Today is the last day of eating disorder awareness week 2013, and before it passed, I wanted to do my own small part for that awareness. We’ve all heard the term “eating disorder” but that doesn’t mean we all know what it really means, and even fewer actually understand it. Some may think eating disorders are about self-centered, vain girls and young women that just want to be skinny, think they have it bad in life, and are oblivious to what goes on in the world around them. The truth is, that obsession with food and weight are a coping mechanism to deal with, avoid, and distance oneself from painful emotions and experiences. It can be the one thing a person may feel like they have control of in their lives, being what they put in their mouth. But the problem is, they lose all control, and the disease takes control of them in turn. People use drinking, smoking, cleaning…many different things to cope with life circumstances, but many of these coping mechanisms are seen as societal norms and are even idealized and celebrated at times. A 21 year old going out drinking each night doesn’t seem all that odd, but a 21 year old starving themselves is a lot less understood.
The worst part about having an eating disorder is how it takes over absolutely every single aspect of your life and your being. It consumes your identity. You lose who you are, you eventually forget what your likes and dislikes are, what your passions are…you lose everything. You end up pushing away anyone and everyone that cares about you. You lose the possibility of accomplishing your dreams, and eventually the ability to dream at all because all you can think about every moment of the day is how you look or how people view you or how many calories you are burning or what the number on the scale was that morning, that afternoon, one hour ago. It’s all that matters anymore. It is a monster inside your own mind that grows and grows and fights for all control. It’s like a demon inside you that takes your spirit and crushes it without any care for the person you used to be, were created to be. A civil war of one.
But today I want to tell those struggling that there is a light at the end of the tunnel. Healing is available. Redemption is possible. Full freedom is reachable!
I know this because I’m living proof. I struggled with eating disordered behaviors, anorexia and bulimia, for nearly a decade, and now have been fully recovered for almost 4 years. Fully as in, it’s not even a passing thought through my mind. Fully as in, I can eating whatever I want and enjoy it and not think twice about it. Fully as in, I look in the mirror and just see me, not extra fat, not anything disgusting or gross. I just see my reflection and then I turn and walk away and carry on with my day. Fully as in, I can deal with stress as it comes, with the frustration and bumps in the road in daily life and just deal with it, rather than let it overwhelm me and cower to it. Fully as in, I’m free.
It’s the hardest thing you will ever do, recovering from your eating disorder. It is the hardest thing I have ever done. But all the therapy, and all the pain, and all the treatment and hardship, it was all worth it. I got my life back. And you can too. And I promise you, it will be worth it!
“For I know the plans I have for you says the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans for a hope and a future.” -Jeremiah 29:11