Posts Tagged With: brokenness

The Realization that will Help you Forgive Anyone Who Ever Hurt You

“It’s the hardest thing to give away
And the last thing on your mind today
It always goes to those that don’t deserve

Even when the jury and the judge
Say you gotta right to hold a grudge
It’s the whisper in your ear saying ‘Set It Free’ “

-Matthew West, Forgiveness

forgiveness

When Jesus was hanging on the cross, why did he say, “Father, forgive them, they are blind fools they know not what they do.”

How could they not know what they are doing? They consciously chose to be there, to make the long walk up to the Calvary hill, to drive the nails through His flesh. How could they not know?

Maybe what Jesus meant was they didn’t know He was the Son of God, and if they knew, or rather, believed that he really was the Savior, things would have ended differently.

I don’t think that’s all Jesus meant. I think it goes much deeper. He’s not just asking God to forgive the men who hung Him on the cross, He’s asking God to forgive every human and every sin and every hurt ever inflicted.

In most cases it’s not that we don’t know the difference between right and wrong, at least if we really sat down and thought about it. It’s that we are completely incapable of going through our lives without sinning, without doing wrong, without hurting people.

If we could, we’d never need a Savior to begin with.

We are all of us, fallen, sinful, broken people.

Fallen, sinful, broken people in need of Jesus.

Why is this the realization that will help you forgive anyone who ever hurt you?

I propose this because through this lens, you look at your overly critical mother, your absent father, your sibling betrayal, your thief of a friend, your teacher who embarrassed you, your boss who blamed you, that stranger who sexually assaulted you, that trusted mentor who stopped standing up for you…

And on the other side of that lens, what is left? The cross. And our desperate need for it.

Forgiving someone is not saying IT’S OKAY or IT DIDN’T MATTER. It’s saying IT DID MATTER but with the acknowledgement that humans disappoint other humans. It’s saying we cannot hold our fellow humans to the standards only Jesus can meet. It’s simply understanding that the person who hurt us needs Jesus, and He responded and died on the cross for them. He was whipped and beaten not just for our sin, but for theirs too. And once we start looking at them through Jesus’ eyes, forgiveness becomes inevitable. The anger begins to fade and a level of compassion begins to form.

We don’t forgive, because the person deserves it, we forgive, to release them to the cross. We set them free, and in turn become free ourselves. 

That person who hurt you? It wasn’t okay. But God is still at work in them, He’s not done yet. And more importantly he’s not done with you yet either.  Jesus is filling empty seats and holding open doors and mending broken hearts.

Who do you need to forgive? Do you think looking through the eyes of heaven rather than the eyes of the world can help you achieve this?

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This song “Just Another Birthday” by Casting Crowns, is heartbreaking yet beautiful. It’s an example of pointing to the cross in the midst of brokenness and emptiness and allowing Him to fill the holes left in our hearts be fellow humans.

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In my brokenness, Jesus will shine.

Too many “Christians” want to see how close to the world they can get without compromising. Its this place that you find yourself slowly entangled in the webs of Satan. To be honest this is the place, that is even questionable to whether you truly love Jesus. When were really sold out, our focus is not how close to the world can we get, but how close to cross can we stay. — Burke Zack

Sometimes in life God breaks us down, or lets us be broken down, so he can build us back up even stronger than before. Today is the first day in, well, at least a month, that I feel the strengthening within. Where I can actually feel like maybe deep down I’m growing. Sometimes when God takes things away from us, we don’t realize it at the time but they are really things of poison… poisonous friendships, distractions… and sometimes he needs to realign us on our path to infuence.

Satan will use those closest to us, friends and family.., to deliver blows to our heart. These are the people we least expect it from and the people who have the capacity to drive the knife the deepest. It doesn’t hurt nearly as bad if a stranger stopped us in the middle of the street and said, “You are a pathetic, ugly, piece of trash that will never amount to anything or will ever be loved.” It hurts a heck of a lot more if it comes from someone you thought was a friend.

Trojan horses come in all disguises in this life. And they are sometimes planted with great planning and patience, even taking years to reveal themselves. I kind of feel like all the trojan horses in my life and confessing to their true identity lately, one at a time, with demons crawling out of them in the middle of the night. As much as it hurts, maybe I need to see this. I need to see the truth, to be made aware of the lies and deceit. It does not only sadden me for me, but it saddens me for the world. Especially when these trojan horses are people who claim to be Christians and are walking this great facade using Jesus to justify their actions and justify the hate being spewed from their mouths. It saddens me that lost people in this world will come across them and think, “Wow, if that’s what JC is about then I don’t want anything to do with Christianity.”

I am at a crossroads faced with two options. I can throw in the towel, cower and hide, and hand Satan my white flag. Or, I can piss him off even more by letting his robots and lies fall on deaf ears, and grabbing the hand of the One who redeems and allowing him to make me stronger than ever through this. Allow him to prune the dead leaves from my life and get rid of the bad fruit, leaving the good room to ripen and flourish.

I may feel alone in this world, but if I have Jesus, I will always be in the majority. Thank you to my good friend, Meredith, for that today. 🙂

I may be misunderstood by many in this world. People may misunderstand and attack my intentions and motives, my character, my faith. But ultimately it does not matter. It doesn’t matter what they think. It doesn’t matter what any human in this world thinks. He knows my heart. He knows me. He gets me, gets what makes me me, what motivates my actions and feelings….and HE MADE ME THAT WAY!!!!!

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It’s a fine [border]line

“Waiting for the sunrise. Waiting for the day. Waiting for a sign that I’m where You want me to be. You know my heart is heavy and my hurt is deep.” -Lift Me Up by The Afters

Sometimes I feel like I am walking a fine line. A line between hope and pain, love and fear, faith and doubt, value and insignificance, wings and cages.

As someone left carrying remnants of borderline personality disorder, having banished the most profound symptoms, but carrying the weight of those invisible in the deep recesses of my heart, it can be hard to hold a memory of past emotions. Intellectually I know there were times where I didn’t feel this alone or this lost, but all I can FEEL is now. This moment. And it seems as if this is all there is, which of course, Satan would like me to believe as reality. He likes to tell me I’m in a dark tunnel, and then plant himself in the way of the exit, so instead of seeing that light there, all I can focus on is the outline of his horns and tail.

Today I had this thought ruminate through my mind, never really leaving: Will there ever be a time where life doesn’t feel like a daily struggle? Will there ever be a time where I can just sit back and enjoy the ride? …. and I don’t mean it’s all doom and gloom now, of course, there are days, moments, where I can just laugh and enjoy being with friends and company, or good conversation, or the presence of my dogs and horses, but it feels like borrowed time. Like I have a day, or even a week or two, where life couldn’t get any better…but it feels like I’m running ahead with a rubberband attached to my waist and any second I’ll stretch to its limit and be flung back down to Earth. Each time this happens, the impact becomes an oxymoron. I’ll be more numb than before, because I’ve already experienced this and I saw it coming anyway….and yet, it’ll hurt in new and more awful ways than before because of the tender bruising and brokenness that never got a chance to fully recover.

I guess it’s a compliment that Satan won’t leave me alone, that he has such a special hatred for my heart, but in the midst of a war, it doesn’t seem to offer much comfort.

Supposedly all it takes to be happy in life is three things: “Something to do, Someone to love, and Something to look forward to.” I’m still waiting for the three to offer an invitation all at once. In the meantime, I’ll continue to walk my line. The line between peace and chaos, light and dark, life and death. The worst part of it is, it is a line deep within that only I can see. No one else can push me off. And if I lose my balance, there is no one there to catch me.

…of this world at least.

“But when I feel like giving up, you’re reminding me, that we all fall down sometimes. When I hit the ground, You lift me up when I am weak, Your arms wrap around me, Your love catches me so I’m letting go..” -Lift Me Up by The Afters

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Embracing the Storm

It’s raining today. It rains in life. A lot. Doesn’t it?

Rain is a necessary component in nature. Rain restores, revives, refreshes. It can be burdensome and depressing, but yet it washes away dirt and debris and is essential for growth and life. Most people don’t like to be outside in the rain, don’t like to feel the wet downpour soaking them. It may mess up their hair or make them cold or ruin their make-up. But without it, flowers would wilt, land would run dry, life would dwindle…

Isn’t this how it works in our lives as well? Don’t our lives portray seasons similar to this earth we inhabit? We have rain. Sometimes a drizzle, sometimes a torrential downpour. We have summers and winters, falls and springs. We have seasons of prosperity and abundance, and seasons of barrenness and brokenness. Our Creator knew the cold winter would bring before He even made it. He also knew that if we learned to embrace the cold, we’d find the beauty of the snow. He also knows the pain we will feel in the winter of our lives before it happens, but maybe we are doing ourselves a great disservice by not embracing what we are walking through. Maybe we focus on the disappointment and heartache and miss the growth ruminating deep in the recesses of our hearts. Winter is often a time of hibernation, but while black bears may use a physical sense of the word, people go through hibernation of the spirit. And I think, if we choose to allow it, this hibernation time will allow us to travel within depths of ourselves we didn’t even know existed. It will allow us to emerge stronger and braver than before. It can open our eyes and alter perspective. And it is a chance, an invitation, to be embraced by a Father who loves us just the way we are, but loves us too much to leave us that way.

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