Posts Tagged With: one day at a time

Letting go and stepping forward

Does anyone else feel like they just stumble blindly through life, unsure of what they’re supposed to be doing or where they’re supposed to be, or is that just me?

I guess we all feel like this sometimes, but when we’re in it, we kind of feel alone don’t we? It’s as if the fog of life that prevents us from seeing the road ahead, also prevents us from seeing each other, and has a way of isolating us. Some days I wake up and feel like everything is finally falling into place, and mere hours later wonder if I could’ve been utterly wrong.

I sit here and write a sort of to-do list for my life right now: things I want to experience, accomplish, learn… but once I map out the right staircase with the steps to get there, I get the Harry-Potter-Hogwarts-moving-staircases feeling. Once I get to that base stair, the staircase shifts. I don’t really understand what’s going on right now. I don’t understand the plan. I know God must have one. Faith tells me that my Father is keeping a watchful eye over this puzzle, making sure every single piece is able to fit in place where my story, my life is concerned. That’s what faith is all about isn’t it? Trusting that we can’t see all the pieces of the puzzle, but to trust that the One who can is putting them in all the right places?

Some days I wonder if I was really meant to move to Savannah, or what would my life be like had I ended up in Colorado instead. If I didn’t forget to put my contact info at the bottom of my puppyfind ad, would Tank and Axle have 2 awesome homes right now, or would they have gone to the absolute wrong homes and everything just happens for a reason? What would happen if my pursuit of buying that house in Ridgeland, SC had worked out? These questions could write an entire book… obviously this is just the tip of the iceberg.

It all comes back to faith. I can sit here and drive myself absolutely insane trying to figure everything out, but I will never find the answers I’m looking for. Only time will give me those. Time-simultaneously our enemy and our friend. Matthew 6 tells us, “Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more important than food, and the body more important than clothes? Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life?”

If we let it, worry we consume us from the inside out. If we spend too much time analyzing yesterday, and pondering concern of tomorrow, we will never actually experience today. This is a hard thing to do, to let go, to give up control. Everyone tells us to grab the reins of life but maybe there’s something to say for letting go and letting the horse decide where to take us once in a while too. It can be so uncomfortable, because to do that we would have to trust someone else to do the navigating. But maybe that’s the point, maybe true empowerment comes from letting go.

….letting go of the reins, closing your eyes, and focusing on how amazing the wind feels in your hair. ….chilling on your surfboard waiting for a great wave, then just letting nature take its course and lift you up and give you the ride of your life.

I think we can only truly find peace in life by learning to live right now, in this moment, knowing it is all that really exists. Now is all we have. And well, I mean that literally.. because we aren’t ever guaranteed a tomorrow. You know, I really want to go on a tour of Colombia with Compassion International in May and visit a precious little girl named Dayana who I sponsor, but I don’t know if I’ll have the money, or resources to even be able to consider it in the near future. So what can I do today? I can put my spare change in a jar. I want to get Bandit started on barrels and develop my own running skills. Today I will read a couple articles in the barrel racing magazine my friend lent me. I want to get back in shape, feel better about myself, and be able to fit in all my old clothes again. Today I will do one session of p90x, and take one of my dogs on a run tonight. The list goes on, but the point is… a journey of a thousand miles starts with one single step. (-Lao-tzu) God helps those who help themselves. We can do whatever we want with our lives but sometimes that is a very daunting thought. Sometimes we get overwhelmed, or a lot of times we get overwhelmed if you’re like me.

What single step can you make today?

If you’re overwhelmed or confused or lost right now, FOCUS ON YOUR STEPS.

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Full of temporary highs

I’ve been in this weird funk lately. I’m just not okay. I feel like a robot going through the motions of this life, wondering if this is all there is to it or if there actually is more? Is there more than every temporary high while on this earth? On one hand some argue that we were never promised good in this lifetime. But on the other hand, you can also argue that, while we were told to expect trials and tribulations, Jesus did come for us to have an abundant life here too. Not just in heaven.

I don’t know what I believe on that issue anymore. I want to believe that Jesus came for us to have abundant life NOW, but then I just don’t have anything left in me to get my hopes up about things, or to expect anything good. I can’t believe how pessimistic and cynical I’ve become. It doesn’t feel very good. But then again, being on an emotional rollercoaster of the endless cycle of hope and disappointment doesn’t feel all that good either. And I got to the point where I literally don’t think I can handle that ride anymore. So intead, I’m robotically walking through my days, praying for the strength to take each step in this mundane, petty life.

I honestly don’t know how people make it without Jesus. People who don’t believe in God, atheists, how do they make it? This world is full of misery and pain and if you have no hope in anything MORE, how do you survive? How do you get up each day? I’m in awe. I do have Jesus and sometimes I go through valleys such as this where I still don’t see the point.

In “The Redeemer” by Sanctus Real, they sing, “I’m still a dreamer, a believer, oh I’ve lost my faith in so many things, but I still believe in You.” How true this is. I am still a dreamer. But it’s a dream beyond this mortal lifetime. And I’ve lost my faith in everything BUT Him. I know God is good. I know He is with me. I hold tight to His promise that one day He will make all things right. People may be made in His image, but I don’t have any faith left in us. In anyone. I don’t have any faith in our economy, politicians, nature….

I feel like a robot.

One step at a time.

My weary heart stays alive hoping that Jesus is using me for something, for glory to His Kingdom beyond what my physical eyes can see.

I’m just going through the motions until the day I can see Him face to face. The only thing, the only One, I have any belief in anymore.

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